Parte after Parte, What exactly do you guys want???!
The uncertainties remain, even when we go to sleep…
So I’m finally a penultimate student (yippeekayayy) and it’s the dinner and awards night.
After everything, I’m here and to be very honest, the fact that I do not like parties has been seared in my brain o. How do you guys go to a party one day and come back for another the next day? Chill! Please!! Sit down at home and cook good food and enjoy yourself ah!
In other news, this is the second issue I’d be writing without sending yet. They’re both complete but idk, there’s something holding me back from sending yk.
It’s like life sometimes. You might think you’ve healed from past trauma or pain or delusion but you know the crazy part? You can’t move forward unless you actually let it go. You can’t help the pain if you don’t heal. You simply can’t move forward if you keep looking over your shoulders.
I’m not trying to be a motivational speaker here, I’m just stating the facts. It took me 19 years to get here and genuinely, it wasn’t easy. I hated every single aspect of forcing myself to try being a better person and going back to past occurrences like a dog goes to its vomit or a pig to the mud. But look at me now. I’m calmer, I’m relaxed, I’m peaceful, I’m, dare I even say, happy.
Life isn’t always roses or ABC. It’s hard. Like, so hard to understand that even the millennium equations do not come close to solving the complexities and intricacies of the life we live. I’m studying psychology so obviously, it should be easier for me to understand my mental health and deal with it, after all, all I have to do is read my notes, right? Instead, I just keep going deep into this rabbit hole that is my personality and wondering why am I like this? Why am I the only one sat, pouting at a party every single time.
Believe me when I say it’s fine but it’s also really lonely. I look at all the guys my age out there and I wonder, when will my life begin? What if I’m just wired weird? What if I never grow to like people? What if I just end up as the crazy cat lady instead?
Uncertainty isn’t fun. At the same time, it’s really fun. It’s like the nova effect over again. It’s just life. And we should live it. Enjoy it, appreciate the little and big moments. And now, the curtains close as I put on my dancing shoes…
I dance in the center, surrounded by all. I have some fun. It’s chill and everything because when I wake up tomorrow, the uncertainty comes back again.
But until then, I’d stay happy, I look on the bright side instead.
For now, just for now, I dance…
(Disclaimer; I’m sending this out before it perishes in my drafts so I’m apologizing in advance for any mistakes I didn’t notice.)