If I could dance with my father one last time?

I would…

Dear daddy,

It’s been 7 years since we last celebrated your birthday with you. 7 years since you promised me a bicycle for passing my exams but didn’t deliver. 7 years since you left us behind😔

How has it been? Well-7 years of anger, 7 years of pain, 7 years of hating it when people said ‘where’s your dad’, 7 years of shame, 7 years of asking ‘why it had to be you’, 7 years to heal.

You see, I used to hate the number ‘7’. It’s so weird, so unsymmetrical and awkward and just bleh. But this year? It’s the first time I’ve been able to get through today without being upset or crying my eyes out. I also made my favourite thing to cook with you without realizing it.

Today was different. Today, I smiled a lot, I laughed and relaxed. It was like you were here again and we were having the regular small party at home. Except, it was just us. We had no one over and no music or anything.

I think I’ve healed, daddy, we’ve all healed. It’s been a long time coming but we’re here now. And I’m glad. I remember a time when it was so hard to speak about you. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember to remember what your voice sounded like, or what you looked like. At times like this, I appreciate who you were and how you raised us, those little knocks you gave us in exchange for proper punishment or the times you lifted us by the head.

You loved us completely and wholly and you showed it at any opportunity you could. You gave and gave until you had nothing else to give.

In essence, I’m trying to say, I miss you so much everyday, and while I would give everything to have you back, I understand it has to be this way.

You would have been 65 this year, I remember how we always used Nigeria’s independence to calculate your age and how we always joked about how you were there at the independence celebrations, barely sentient.

You have two beautiful grandchildren now. Most of your kids are making their own families now. You would have loved to see it.

And me? I’m thriving. Taking life a day at a time and always remembering to make you proud.

All my love,

Kafilat.

Mich und mein Vater